Mine's Bigger

It has taken me two years to build my confidence to the point of creating a strong presence to others- blending in was once a comfort. The construction of my confidence involved a few self-help books, many nights at the gym, and of course the support of a very special best friend.  This past week I fell off course a bit and, as with most of my emotions, I couldn't recognize what I was feeling at first. I took a few days, allowing myself just to feel and see where that took me. I landed on the word comparison. In the big picture, I am not alone or special with this thought; it is one that every person in their early adulthood encounters. Being the control freak that I am, I needed to find the cause and eliminate it. I found the root of my problems in the same place I go to get away from stress: social media. 

We spend hours each day scrolling, finding the next trending article to read and share as though it is an original thought. We feel clever and witty, yet we don't realize this gives power to those creating these posts, and eliminates our unique identities in a land of quotes and stories that we can only relate to. We feel as though our stories aren't worth writing anymore because someone has already written it. I have been playing a character, as we all do with these profiles. We post only highlights of our journeys, knowing that's all people care to see anymore. We give our professional title, post an occasional synopsis of our findings, and pictures that we've approved to hide our physical shortcomings. Luckily for my power and energy, this isn't me at all. 

Yes, luckily is the term I chose. I say this because our social and online world is designed to drain us of our identity. It is designed for people to believe they can actually read each other like books, and disregard those with poor summaries. I regained strength with this realization because the people I truly care for, and whose opinions mean something to me, know exactly why my book reads how it does. They know why my professional title does not match the dream title I am working towards. They know the full story behind my synopsis because they were present for each moment. They know what I look like at my worst. 

The best part is deciding which page of my book to post next. What character shall I play this week? Which emotions should I provoke? Which audience should I please? For now, I'll stick to nobody.